28 June 2010

US Postal Service To Inaugurate New Alternative Billing

In a hastily called news conference that was sparsely attended due to all news media being focused on the Kagen hearing, the US Postmaster General announced that “...in order to make ends meet, the US Postal Service will have to move away from our current flat fee arrangements for first class delivery and move to an alternative billing model based on actual costs of delivery.”

He went on to state that “the hourly billing model that works so well for law firms will be our model. We know that this innovation might get some folks upset but we can’t live in the past – the 21st century is here and hourly billing for mail delivery is the future!”

When asked whether this approach would further reduce usage of the US Postal Service, the Postmaster said: “We will allocate our overhead across our client base so the actual number of people using our services won’t really matter all that much.”

When asked what it would cost to have a letter delivered, for example, from New York City to Bismarck, ND, the Postmaster said:

“That’s hard to say. We’ll deliver it and then send you a bill.”

Thanks for reading.
Richard Russeth

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